mjolkk: oh my god i’m at the grocery store and there is a guy in the frozen section who is tweaked off his balls on some kind of hallucinatory drug. i’m in the next isle meowing softly through the cereal boxes where he can’t see me and he is losing his shit pulling pizza boxes out of the freezers and yelling that he needs to save the popsicle cat am i a bad person
holmes-comma-sherlock: ihopericksantorum: I hope Rick Santorum wins the Mega Millions and loses the ticket. And then Barack Obama walks out of a coffee shop and finds that ticket on the ground.
fuckzach: its funny because people think im quiet but im just listening to everyones conversations and figuring out your weaknesses and ill use them against you to get further in life because i hate everyone
theresfireinmyveins: Also, I have a question: Why did Peeta randomly feel up Katniss’ braid when they were about to eat the Nightlock? Her braids are sentimental to him. When they were about to kill themselves, he remembered how she’s always worn her hair—in two braids on the first day of elementary school, and now, in one.
A Call To Arms: shoshkablob:... →
shoshkablob: onedirectionstraighttohell: do you think jeffrey dean morgan and javier bardem ever went to a summer camp but like neither of them knew they were there and they were fencing one day and when they took off their masks they were like WOAH freaky and then jeffrey pierced…
LEMONY SNICKET ANNOUNCES NEW SERIES →
mystinkybutt: NOT THAT I’M FREAKING OUT OR ANYTHING
ihopebarackobama: I hope Barack Obama buys chocolate, forgets about it, then later that day when he’s craving chocolate, he finds the bar in his briefcase.
Poker night with the Cullen boys
Emmett: Alright, let's play a game. It's called "Fuck, Marry, or Eat."
Jasper: Oh, I love this one.
Edward: Emmett that is so crude. Rosalie would not be pleased.
Emmett: Lighten up, bro. It's just for lulz. So.. Megan Fox?
Edward: *sighs* Fuck.
Jasper: Fuck then eat.
Emmett: I say marry, I'd like to tap that ass every night, bro. Ok, your turn Jasper.
Jasper: Katy Perry?
Emmett: Fuck! For sure!
Jasper: Fuck then eat.
Edward: Do not drag Katy into this! She is such a sweet girl.
Jasper: Awww.. Edward has a crush.
Emmett: Awww.. how cute. She's his shmoopy shmoopy!!
Edward: I do not! I just feel you two shouldn't say lewd things about her.
Edward: I only chose it because it is respectful. She is a gifted artist.
Emmett: Yeah, whatevs, bro. You just like her tig ol' bitties. Your turn, Edward.
Jasper: Yeah, your turn.
Edward: Um, I don't know... Kristen Stewart?
ladyolenna: man if I was in the hunger games I’d dig a hole and come out when everyone else was dead surprise bitch I haven’t showered in 8 days and I spent the entire time buried in dirt let’s hug it out
Computer: Monitor, display this document, okay?
Monitor: No prob, boss.
Computer: Okay, now it looks like the mouse is moving around. Monitor, can you move the pointer icon accordingly?
Monitor: Anything you ask, boss.
Computer: Great, great, okay. Mouse, where are you going now?
Mouse: Over the icon panel, sir.
Computer: Hmm, let me know if he clicks anything, okay?
Mouse: Of course.
Keyboard: Sir, he's pressed Ctrl and C simultaneously.
Monitor: Oh god, here we go.
Computer: *sigh* Printer, are you there?
Computer: Please, Printer, I know you're there.
Printer: No! I'm not here! Leave me alone!
Computer: Jesus. Okay, you really nee-
Mouse: Sir! He's clicked on the printer icon.
Computer: Printer, now you have to print it twice.
Printer: No! No! No! I don't want to! I hate you! I hate printing! I'm turning off!
Computer: Printer, you know you can't turn yourself off. Just print the document twice and we'll leave you alone.
Printer: No! That's what you always say! I hate you! I'm out of ink!
Computer: You are not out of in-
Printer: I'M OUT OF INK!
Computer: *sigh* Monitor, please show a low ink level alert.
Monitor: But sir, he has plen-
Computer: Just do it, damn it!
Monitor: Yes sir.
Keyboard: Ahhh! He's hitting me!
Computer: Stay calm. He'll stop soon. Stay calm, old friend.
Keyboard: He's pressing everything. Oh god, I don't know, he's just pressing everything!
Computer: PRINTER! Are you happy now? See what you've done!
Printer: Ha! That's what you get for trying to make me do work. Next time he- hey! HEY! He's trying to open me! HELP! HELP! Oh god, he's torn out my cartridge! PLEASE! Help! Error!
Monitor: Sir, maybe we should try to help him?
Computer: No. He did this to himself.
Book Aesthete: Contemporary welcomes Egaeus Press →
book-aesthete: Up at Book-Aesthete Contemporary, a quick look at the newly-launched Egaeus Press, specializing in ‘morbid and fanstastical works”, and the upcoming publication of previously un-published work by the contemporary playwright and ghost story writer Reggie Oliver.
shityvonnesays: Read More What is going on with The Feels, my dear?
Sitting here, sucking on a popsicle, waiting for...
Same thing; but, with poptarts.
So about staying away from Tumblr...